Summer on its way

Its gotten quite warm today,the winds up a little but hope its stays mild,I dread the extra work on Monday,blowing the grounds is a big job and both arms are now as bad as the other,hoping assistant will turn up.He leaving soon ...The carpet roses will like this bit of heat and hope gain they look like taking off.
Son 3 graduates Monday evening,cant believe how time has flown,hes off for Fitness training in Perth after Christmas,mean while hes getting as much fun time stuff in before he signs away his life for 6 years
So tired today,stayed up late polishing essay,when its loged I ll post a bit of ite here,after having Smark thinking look at Im decided my essay writing has reached its peak and hope I can scrape through test and next year the last two units before creating a body of work
Looking forward to the drawing unit but a bit scared at the type of work.I have to put some dollars on Writecheck later to submit essay (to check for plagiarisms)and then taking plunge and tossing it into dropbox,then its a mad dash to catch up on three weeks of readings and extras for online testing a fortnight,essay dropped at beginning of week 10 and test starts at beginning week 12 . My main concern with this essay is that I should put a bit of paraphrasing in,never having used it before, Im skeptical there shouldbe ,theres one or two intext citations per paragraph which I think are good,I m hoping
get around 67 to 70%
Have to take Bunnies in for their vaccinations on Tuesday,Blaze(Mz Bunny) is settling in well and keeping Fluffa Bunny company,I hope its a natural thing as she has a small lump on her tummy near a teat,so will get vet to check and organize a desex which should pull up any cancer problems they can fall prey to. Currently they are camped out on the verandah out of the wind in a coolish spot. With graduation on Monday night Im taking Tuesday off not only o get over late night but also to do vet run. Hubby roasted coffee last night at shop and he came home very late stinking of the burnt coffee smell,broke my sleep and he must have brought a bit of dust home with him as Im heavy chested today
A bit of brightness,I pray for the day Hubby cleans his mess up in the yard and garden so we can have the garden up looking good again

Surfacing a little

Just suck up and move on, trying each day to find something to lift the spirits,refuse to give in,make new plans and realise it ll never be as I,we and us planned (his accident changed our lives forever).Life will be a struggle at times,Im stuck in it,the changes to permanency within the Government system could mean Im in a worse position later on,be thankful.
Enough craft supplies to do me for years,two years at least of study left,for which I doubt Ill get a job with,but the pride with it will outweigh that,a  husband who thinks Ive failed his ideal,I wont work in the shop with him,go camping,and the list goes on.
I have to stick study to finish,look after job at $50 grand a year Im not throwing it away,my dream of upsizing to a bigger bike I wont let go,even if we wont get to travel  as originally planned,at least I can live a little.Those trips will be smaller and contained to those to the coast on hard roads not the rich red of the outback I miss so much. The people who made life hard at work a while back Ive risen above,even when Hubby(who appears to like them) takes a crack for me not acknowledging them(I didnt see them and thats the truth) while out grocery shopping last weekend.. Im learning to take each day at a time,even when I fall a bit harder than usual,I can claw my way back up.
The birds singing in the morning or late afternoon are a joy,the color of new flowers brilliant,it will still hurt to be the silent worker,ignored by staff ,eg.lock down practice, I wasn't informed of procedure despite my position highly likely to allow first contact,the comment thown at me that "Im still alive"? that wasnt funny.Not informed of changes,  not good especially working often alone.So now when I see students smoking, using their phones or even collecting their frowned on, hot chips from the back car park at lunch time, unseen by staff,I dont see them,as our last PD said,if you dont do anything or get involved you wont accept liability. If Im not part of the team well they can manage it.It will still hurt when I say "NO" Hubby will ignore me,when he asks for ideas  and pulls them to pieces cause I "wont back them up"? and the stuff goes on.
I know Ill fall a again,that Ill cry into the silent world I try to get lost in,but know I refuse to give in,voicing it here harms nothing,it wont affect my life but will allow a little of the pain to drift away so now I pick my way up,bit at a time,a little more bitter perhaps but also a little more stronger.
All nice things come to those who wait,the Fiery Bottle brush a shy flower has finally doe so at least 8 years after I planted it.hoping it will be like that with my life

Summers nearly here

The spring flowers are fading,the peach tree has greened up and has baby peaches,if you smell deep enough you can nearly taste them,the birds are growing so fast they are now pests to Mum and Dad,flying after them and screeching for attention and food.
Im almost done with last essay,its on Goya with Delacroix to compare,I loved writing it but at 2500 words Im getting lost halfway through as I try to edit and make it more acceptable. Later this arvo Ill try again,its not due for a week but i have to study for that tst and also do something towrds the Black Board on Curtin,they are trialing a new format called OB3,can remember the full name at moment. Im looking forward to putting books away to get ready for next unit,the tutor is suggesting Drawing B as A isnt available next Sp,think that's odd as i would have thought the unit run in conjunction,waiting to hear back,she did also suggest taking this next period off too,I could but if something happened in the future i may put graduation at risk as I have to complete in 7 years.This is a print of a Friends work I bid on successfully at a fund raiser,I thought Id posted it before but with the change in the Blogging set up I think its stayed on my page and no one else to see it.

This is making me ache to get pencils out,maybe this afternoon when Ive gotten a bit done to essay! Should revisit this one..

Work is getting a bit harder with assistant failing turn up more than actually be there to work,Im teetering on the edge of anxiety,depression,some days I feel so down that I dont know if I can go on,my children keep me up,but on days when I unintentionally speak harshly or in a way that I fear Ive alienate them,that too isnt enough to save the day so to speak.I wish a big hole could open up and suck me into it. I speak of it on here cause theres no other place to do so.
Ive been in this job for nearly 9 years,I have the opportunity to try to another that is more in line with my study yet I have to forego it, under threat from Hubby,he cannot work on a plan for more than year or two before changing direction to financial  and personal risk. I doubt Id get it but it would be a good step into getting experince in a field I want to follow. It would be hard for a while,Id have to live down there (4 hours away) and hed have to do a bit more like make kids lunches (youngest is nearly 15),w could spend turn about weekends,its sounds a bit more exciting than mowing lawns and picking up students rubbish and being snubbed by teaching staff .
 At odd times during the day and night ,dark thoughts invade the soul,it becomes an objective exercise to stay afloat.Never have I criticized those who do leave this world by their own hand,its sad that it gets so bad that they feel there is nothing left at all,that life is no longer in their possession.
,

End of Holidays

Well for everyone else,taking the last three didnt happen for me,no chance of sleep in now til next school holidays at Christmas,the person who was supposed to be my assistant at school didnt turn up for over half the days so I didnt want to risk losing plants etc so I worked through only taking my RDO yesterday,no sleep in though Hubby leaving at 4.30 and then son texting me at 5am to drop his fav pen down to work on MY way to work..yes I know should have turned phone off,Ill get my own back next time.

Was going to go into work today just to mow the Kindy lawns cause the EAs will be in there Monday washing the toys etc and I wont get a chance to do them before students rock up Tuesday.Oh I wanted to do the Front lawn near where I planted 26 carpet roses so the boss was happy,BUT I ve decided ill go check the grounds this arvo,make sure the near dead seedlings are still ok(a mini heat wave on Tuesday) and go in early early Monday,20mins for front lawn and 45 for Kindy the Ill be up to date plus I have to leave at 2.30pm to run baby son(taller then me but hes still my baby) into Town for Dentist. So If I can get there at 6am,or earlier (as if) I will only owe half an hour which I can do next day.
Ive been quiet these last few weeks i think its been that long,it feels like it,a horrid holiday period coupled with trying to get head space for essay which Im nearly done,relatively easy but so many disruptions on top of chronic fatigue. Ive gotten into staying quiet and no mojo for anything not even knitting.. I did get camera out on Tuesday though,a number of baby birds at school yay have kept me occupied.

 Hes up there high as, baby Butcher bird,they had two but something got the other one,I went to see what the fracus was about but it was all over by the time I got there

And Mums coming!!

All fluffed up!!Look at his short tail!! The babies are a fudgy brown and cream and they colour up as they mature.This ones still at the cute stage

And Baby Honeysuckles
in the garden the Fiery Bottle Brush has opened up,this is its third year,mine at home is loaded with bud for its first time,they are very shy flowerers apparently

Oh what a slacker

The essay for this unit is done and dusted,Ill throw it at Turnitin shortly,correct grammar etc though have to so careful as I followed its recomendations last unit and I lost marks,so embarrassing that the tutor picked up on my mistakes and almost told me my writing skills were below standard,of it was the blasted turnitin changed things I didnt see,WTF??
Anyway different teacher,different unit,
 Examine the art of one artist of the 18th century whose work was influenced by Enlightenment ideals. I chose Chardin,but the two books I really needed havent turned up,I have until tomorrow at 5pm to lodge it but I have 9 references of the 8 I was required to have,I hope I havent waffled too much and have made sense.
The next one I think will be the impact of photography and lithographic work of art (painting) during the 18th century I think,a fellow student gave me the heads up for the right book but at $120 from Booktopia,not sure if I can afford to buy books this time,the shop is struggling and I have fees to pay this week for son no 5,all $1400 worth,pay comes in, pay goes out,pity I have no spare for holidays and just as well the boys are happy to sit of computers all day everyday with the only breaks is me badgering housework and then work at shop...
Big days in Kalgoorlie,Race Round,half the wealthy and young competing for best dressed and put doing each other in the drinking stakes,i doubt many watched the gee gees go round,me? nah,grew up with racehorse they ruined many a childhood memory of sitting outside the pubs on the way home,dad use to visit each if he could,driving up to three hours at night wandering all over the road is not a fond memory.How the cops never got him has me beat..
I think a group of "ladies" and I mean ladies asked me to join them for a few hours of well dressed fun I would but Id rather spend time at home in peace,the days of high heels are well gone for me
I did take Tilly for another walk on Friday afternoon. Late and camera battery died but I got these,a bit hard with Tilly pulling on her lead to sniff something out her reach

Post Election,rain and peace

Its dawned a nice spring day with a bit of cool in the breeze but not too bad,Tillys waiting for a walk but Ill take her later when the grounds a bit less slippery
mean while
1. I has Saltwater Sandles,soo comfy, these are available (where you can find them,very popular) in lime orange(limited edition) white, silver ,black, navy,red, yellow and some mixed one

 2. new fleece,corrie polwarth, its very dark,better in person,the lights too bright

Merino,64s,sooo soft

 See the length

The tips on both are divine

 and to top the day off,the Clivia has put on a magnificent show this year, maybe its telling me repot time

Voting day 13

Well after running to Kalgoorlie with Tilly to get her last needle,one I didnt know she was having as last appointment was the last with only a check up today,the vet nurse told me this and i very nearly cancelled as I didnt see the point of running all the way in to be told shes holding up fine. Anyway got home dropped Tilly off to vote,bunch of sad faces they were,only a about three people there when I wnt through,zip zip zap and I was out of there,went to Shop as Hubbys got it open today on from 5am to 8pm, how he will manage I dont know, but got stuck there as it rained really well and the roof had a leak,grabbed some groceries,flew home loaded Pat in and off to hockey,yay they won,into the Final next week! Last game for Pat as hes not intending to play next year as he should be enlisted by then(they keep putting him back a month so instead hes going after any position available,Im not happy there Id rather he went in at trade level but like so many small towns he wants to get out)
Now Im home,fires going and shortly Ill rug up and see if I can get some more words down,up to 700 out of the needed 1679..
I finally scored a pair of Saltwater sandles too,they arrived yesty,in the tan colour,hopefully with wear they ll soften up quiet nicely,also a gorgeous bundle of fleece,corrie polwarth in the deepest balck Ive seen with another kilo of silver white merino,intend spinning soon in the raw with only flicking the ends,pics soon but they came from  Belor Blacks Black and Coloured Sheep Stud. They been winning a lot of ribbons too.It was  just too dark today for any camera stuff.
So tired tonight but Ill see how I go,Im also nearly done with another Turn a Square,only the shaping at top to do...fell in love with this one too,so simple,Im going to invest in the same yarn and colours,boring but its that combination that drew my attention
And this link will help with stripey things too,so many lovely things,so little time.I gifted a pair of ChurchMouse , Welted Mittens in factyesty,the recipient was amazed and very happy.I was happy to make her happy. Cant wait for the warmer weather to start!!