Saturday, 19 October 2013

Summers nearly here

The spring flowers are fading,the peach tree has greened up and has baby peaches,if you smell deep enough you can nearly taste them,the birds are growing so fast they are now pests to Mum and Dad,flying after them and screeching for attention and food.
Im almost done with last essay,its on Goya with Delacroix to compare,I loved writing it but at 2500 words Im getting lost halfway through as I try to edit and make it more acceptable. Later this arvo Ill try again,its not due for a week but i have to study for that tst and also do something towrds the Black Board on Curtin,they are trialing a new format called OB3,can remember the full name at moment. Im looking forward to putting books away to get ready for next unit,the tutor is suggesting Drawing B as A isnt available next Sp,think that's odd as i would have thought the unit run in conjunction,waiting to hear back,she did also suggest taking this next period off too,I could but if something happened in the future i may put graduation at risk as I have to complete in 7 years.This is a print of a Friends work I bid on successfully at a fund raiser,I thought Id posted it before but with the change in the Blogging set up I think its stayed on my page and no one else to see it.

This is making me ache to get pencils out,maybe this afternoon when Ive gotten a bit done to essay! Should revisit this one..

Work is getting a bit harder with assistant failing turn up more than actually be there to work,Im teetering on the edge of anxiety,depression,some days I feel so down that I dont know if I can go on,my children keep me up,but on days when I unintentionally speak harshly or in a way that I fear Ive alienate them,that too isnt enough to save the day so to speak.I wish a big hole could open up and suck me into it. I speak of it on here cause theres no other place to do so.
Ive been in this job for nearly 9 years,I have the opportunity to try to another that is more in line with my study yet I have to forego it, under threat from Hubby,he cannot work on a plan for more than year or two before changing direction to financial  and personal risk. I doubt Id get it but it would be a good step into getting experince in a field I want to follow. It would be hard for a while,Id have to live down there (4 hours away) and hed have to do a bit more like make kids lunches (youngest is nearly 15),w could spend turn about weekends,its sounds a bit more exciting than mowing lawns and picking up students rubbish and being snubbed by teaching staff .
 At odd times during the day and night ,dark thoughts invade the soul,it becomes an objective exercise to stay afloat.Never have I criticized those who do leave this world by their own hand,its sad that it gets so bad that they feel there is nothing left at all,that life is no longer in their possession.


  1. Oh goodness, if you need to vent privately email me at, you sound so low that I would love to help if I can!!

  2. Oh, you must definitely talk to someone who is a good listener. I know how it is too feel depressed and very low, and it is not a nice way to be.P{lease take care!!!